Memories of the days and weeks after my big event, come to me in flashes of black and white like a slideshow with long periods of darkness between each image. I’m finding it difficult to tell my experiences in a narrative form, since the experiences themselves are so disjointed. I guess it might be like trying to write about a bad LSD trip. I never considered trying LSD simply because the following vignettes are what I always imagined a trip to be like.
The most vivid memories revolve around a nurse, named Caitlin, who kidnapped me and took me to Peru, where I was held captive by a pygmy Peruvian with sharpened teeth and George W Bush, a truly frightening duo. My captors made me and my daughter, Marina sleep on the floor with all the other patients piled up like puppies in a mound of dirty blankets. I remember telling Caitlin, “I know I’m not in in America because they have laws that prevent you from treating me like this.”
My most embarrassing memory is offering Marina and a goat to a handsome young RN named Brandon, if he would come home with us and become my live -in caregiver. At the time this offer seemed not only reasonable, but generous. I must’ve been very desperate to offer my beloved daughter as a bribe.
In my damaged imagination it rained the entire time I was in the hospital in Springfield. Floodwaters pressed against the hospital building threatening to wash me away in their raging currents. If there was a sunny day while I was in Springfield, I don’t remember it.
The only bright spot during the month I spent in Springfield was Francie, my favorite nurse. Francie cared for me and my entire family with sincere compassion combined with a positive, buoyant attitude. Her laughter was quite possibly the only laughter I heard that month.
Some memories are not memories at all, but stories I’ve heard from my family, stories I find shocking in their incongruity with my normal personality.
My husband, Jack says that one day in Neuro ICU, I reared back and punched him in the stomach so hard it doubled him over. I’ve never punched anyone in my life! I’m a pacifist! More Temporary insanity to come…in later posts