My de-evolution from hip dreadlock crowned 51-year-old to stretch-pant loving aficionado of Velcro shoes took place with astonishing speed. This extreme change brought less humiliation than one might expect. When you find yourself knee-deep in shit, you put on your waders and keep going. Without elastic waist bands and Velcro closures, I would still be wearing a gown and slipper socks. I recently mastered pulling up jeans, buttoning the button, zipping the zipper and fastening the belt with one hand. That might not sound like a big deal, but try putting on your jeans with one hand.
Single handedness forced me to experiment with dressing and all sorts of other daily tasks. Dressing is by far the most exasperating activity of each day. For a while I simply stayed in pajamas all day, which sounds nice and laid back but after a week or so, I realized 24 hour pajamas were depressing. Now I get dressed every morning whether I am leaving the house or not.
Who knew there were so many different ways to put on a shirt, inside out, right side out, backwards forward, arm through the neck hole arm through the neck hole and an armhole? I demonstrate several of these variables each morning. I have not torn up a shirt so far; but have had to ask for help untangling myself from a shirt occasionally.
My beloved Birkenstocks have been set aside. My bent left looked simply cannot stay inside the shoe without a strap around the heel. I have customized a pair of Teva sandals to wear with my ankle foot orthotic. Sandals are crucial. My entire adult life I’ve disliked totally enclosed shoes.
I need a little more freedom.